A Letter To Those Who Live In My Darkness

I may not have aged, but I have grown a lot as a person since I first started writing. As some of you know, my first book was the literary incarnation of my rage against humanity and God himself. Some people think I have become worse, but they can never experience how much lighter I feel. I do not miss the burden of hating and raging against the entire world. That is why when I write my first character these days, I feel like I am revisiting an old friend who is also my greatest enemy. I love him, but I don't miss feeling like him every day. Last night, I had dreams that the people close to me were telling me that I am a monster who hasn't changed at all. It made me sad and angry at the same time because I know it is not true and I know a lot of my former supporters believe it. That dream was the result of me discussing my fear of abandonment with my friend last night... and I never know what to say to accusers who start spitting nonsense like that. I simply think to myself, "I wish you could go back in time and see how far I have come."

However, I digress. None of them will ever understand what it is like to be a growing light in a pitch black void; the darkness of which has been meticulously crafted by the worst of humanity. When I talk about my past, there is no shame because I know there were traumas I could never have prevented behind my perception of the world at that time. I know I am still not a saint, but I am always here for anyone who is going through similar struggles. If there is any way I can help someone, I feel that it is my obligation to do so. Truthfully, I don't know exactly what I am trying to convey with this post. I guess what I want to say is that I am glad to be here with all of you as this person I have become. I know things are going to get better and I know that this distant light is going to grow closer. I hope those of you who are still stuck in that seemingly perpetual cycle of pain find your way out soon, but when it feels as if there is no escape, I hope you never forget that you will always have a friend in me.